i honestly believe it’s more damaging if someone emotionally cheats on you rather than physically going out and doing something with another person.now a days, there are so many different ways to disrespect your significant other and put the relationship at risk. back in the day it was just cheating when you sleep with another person, which is what my mom thinks, but i completely disagree. with all this technology and social media there are the simplest ways to cheat. in my opinion if you’re doing something you wouldn’t want your bf/gf doing then you’re doing something wrong. i know i’m not innocent, i often did things that i would get jealous over. i just think i’m not a relationship person. i’m not meant for relationships, or any of that lovey dovey stuff. do i want it? of course i do, more than anything. but i think i need to go through serious recovery before i’m ready again. you shouldn’t jump from relationship to relationship because you’ll bring your old relationship problems into your new relationship, which is exactly what happened with me and my ex. he accused me of all these things and didn’t give me any space and always made me feel like i was doing terrible things, when in fact it was just his insecurities. so since it was my first relationship, i thought that was normal. so i just stuck with it because i thought that’s what everyone dealt with behind closed doors. i’m sad that it’s not, that i put up with so much. i was physically cheated on a couple times, meaning nothing serious but definitely stuff you shouldn’t be doing while you’re in a relationship with someone you supposedly “love”. and to be honest it didn’t hurt nearly as bad as when i would see messages and texts and calls between my ex and other females. it hurt like hell. i think it’s harder to be emotionally cheated on because it’s emotional. it’s not just some sexual attraction. it’s an emotional attraction. they’re not making some half conscious decision to make out with the girl at the end of the bar because her dress fits her well. they’re making the serious effort to think of another like they think of you and talk to them as if they’re lovers also. it’s also harder because it’s really easy to talk yourself out of things like that. like oh we’re really old friends and we were just catching up. half the time you only end up seeing some of the messages that were received and sent. so you can only really know about those messages and i promise you whatever your worst fear is, it’s probably happened. a lot more was said than just those messages you saw. humans are shitty like that. you could be putting 100% into your relationship and the truth is, you can’t force someone to only want you. i can’t tell you how long i put up with this, honestly because i don’t even know. it happened all the time. i’m sort of disguisted that i actually meant so little to someone who meant the world to me. they didn’t care about my feelings at all and they laughed behind my back about everything. my feelings were mocked in public and only cared about in private. i think it’s a lot harder to leave because you’re just like “oh they were just talking its not that serious” but honestly when you look back you’ll realize how incredibly stupid you look. never settle. there’s always better. people told me thousands of times but you can’t really take advice. actually trusting peoples advice is the hardest. and you’ll never actually leave until you’re ready.